Leave Trace Club

Confession alert:

I’m not perfect. I totally-otally LEAVE TRACE. On this hike alone I’ve “left” (aka lost) a pair of sunglasses, a bamboo spoon and two bandanas somewhere on trail. I’m not happy about it but accidents happen. 

That said, today I must address a particular brand of Trace seen almost daily in wilderness areas. 

TP. 

Now – people – I get it. Our culture trains us to use TP at every possible moment. And for women it’s expected every time we tingle to practically wipe the area raw – lest a single drop moisten our panties. But please… PACK IT OUT!!! Or, use a pee rag, like a normal human.

I don’t want to smell like an outhouse either. So do what you need to do to stay fresh. But for the sake of all that is holy in nature (i.e. Everything) PACK IT OUT.

while I am sort of relieved to know you also pee right by the trail… please … PACK IT OUT

if I could make a wish on this crane… it would be for you to PACK IT OUT.

while its cool you can twist it into oragami shaped like a snail… PACK IT OUT

while you’re at it, that bag of poo you thought you’d pick up later is still sitting here. PACK IT OUT (NOW)

thanks for letting me know you peed on these huckleberries so i don’t forage here … but actually I’d rather not know… so PACK IT OUT

teamwork makes the dream work. but can both of you PACK IT OUT?

cool! I ALSO sometimes use a baby wipe – in addition to TP. that’s a great town prep technique when youre gearing up for a hitch. but in that case PACK EM BOTH OUT.

I’m really sorry for whatever it is your body went thru to make this mess. and maybe you even buried part of it and a squirrel dug it up. so next time PACK IT OUT (then use some hand sani)

putting it next to coyote poop doesn’t camoflage it for the person behind you on the trail. PACK IT OUT.

aw. I almost missed this one it was so cutely hidden in the brush. but actually no… I still totally saw it. pack it out.

TFW you changed your baby’s diaper and then pee and then leave both by the tree at Grand Lakes because nature will take care of you. hi five.

but seriously tho… a diaper??

bored yet? me too. PIO.

now, much like baby albert, everything white reminds me of your bodily functions. i beg of you. PACK IT OUT

I know you are used to dropping it on top of your pee in the toilet but that pile of moss doesn’t flush. PACK IT OUT

hey! a nice flat spot to set up our stove for afternoon coffeeeeeee… oh wait.

how thoughtful! keeping your TP dry right under the footbridge. i still found it when i was crouching down to filter my water. do you get why this might be gross for me? PIO.

Tips for not joining the leave trace club:
1) carry a “used TP/baby wipes” ziplock with you. And hand sani. 

2) after peeing or pooping, wipe and put used TP in your Baggie. Seal Baggie. 

3) sanitize hands

4) repeat until town.

5) Throw away Baggie. 

A closing reminder: it’s fun & fine peeing in nature, without the ‘effluvium of human waste’ in most restrooms (sez Groucho, who’s not a privy fan). But when pooping please do so far off trail, 200 FEET AWAY FROM WATER (at least), in a 6-8″ deep cathole.   Refrain from burying wipes, especially scented or if your hole is too shallow. Critters WILL dig it up and share your secrets with the rest of us. And don’t be afraid to give that poo a stir! Mixing it with your cathole backfill helps it biodegrade faster.

Also, I totes recommend buying one of these excellent Deuce of Spades poo trowels. As Future Dad reminds us “the poo never ever should touch the trowel”. Wrong Way Gang trowels are all named for stars of stage and screen. Mine is named Brent Spiner, aka Data. 

❤ Harpo 

2 thoughts on “Leave Trace Club

  1. Louis Naughtic

    That’s nothing. I was once at a site that, visible from the site, was at least piles. It was unbelievable as soon as you moved into the brush. Someone hung a plastic bag from a bush with paper in it. Behind a tree, were 8 individual piles, in a circle lol. I don’t know who the savages were that camped there, but my god it was astounding.

    Reply

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